so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
