I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
