Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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