The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
