She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my sisters under your porch take her home
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
