Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
