And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I believe in your delicious
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
