i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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