my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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