Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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