I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
