bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
