she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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