whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
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She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
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We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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