Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
