What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
