Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
