Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
