So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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