he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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