I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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