I am puke
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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