how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
