take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
