somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
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They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
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It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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