Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
