im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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