Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
