Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
