so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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