He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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