HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
