we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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