i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
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How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
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Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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