belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
