glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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