Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
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This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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