im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
