I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize