woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
A+ Viking dick
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
