im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
