Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
