I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
