I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
