Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
