the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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