well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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