Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
