i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
