i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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