Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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