if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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