Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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