Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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