For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
